


let's do it (let's fall in love)

by alpacas



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: "no archive warnings apply" but yeah it's all about the girls talking seeeex, F/F, F/M, Gen, aka the best prompt in the entire universe, despite the subject matter it's not actually that explicit tho, even if i didn't end up filling it exactly as intended probably, tumblr prompt 'what if nott had to give the girls The Talk', uhhh needless to say there are some SPOILERS IN HERE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 18:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17965781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alpacas/pseuds/alpacas
Summary: Jester giggles. "Nott, you'vehad sexbefore. Like alot, probably. Because you weremarried.""Sure, but so have a lot of people here!" Nott immediately reconsiders. "So have a solid two of the people here!"





	let's do it (let's fall in love)

**Author's Note:**

> **anon asked:**  
>  hi! please consider: Jester asks Nott earnestly what sex is like with someone you actually, y'know, Love, and not just a client or a hookup; Nott's immediate reaction is something like "you gREW UP in a SUPER FANCY BROTHEL??" but then she genuinely tries to explain + somehow the conversation expands to include Beau and Yasha, and it's an emotion version of The Talk for our resident tiefling cleric who's now kissed one (1) person even though she's seen A Lot of dicks in her life send twee

It's their third night in the tunnels, and they've gone from chit-chat to philosophical discussions on whether plants and fungi grown out of dead people counts as eating meat to a few half-hearted games of _I've Never_ in which Jester, Caduceus, and Beau were the only truly willing participants, and two of the three quickly revealed themselves to have done nothing much.

The rest of the afternoon had been spent creating and telling Tusk Love fanfiction, and then jogging half a mile to try and catch up with Fjord before he dies from party separation.

A good day, all in all.

When Caleb announces it is evening, and they find a sort of niche to make camp in, the group all settles down, stretching tired limbs and rubbing sore feet. Caduceus makes dinner, which Jester would normally help with, _except_ :

She sits down on the ground next to Nott. "Nott, you've done stuff before, haven't you?"

"I've done a lot of stuff," Nott says. Frumpkin has been attached to her all day in a fairly transparent attempt by Caleb to be friendly, and she's petting him absently and thinking: _jesus, I bet Mr Clay is going to feed us mushrooms for dinner again, and I don't care what Beau and Jester say, that's not_ philosophically _the same as meat, I wonder if anyone has any pocket bacon hidden somewhere?_ "Like what? What kind of stuff? Stealing? Finding traps? Running really fast?"

"No, I mean, like…" Jester hesitates, which is alarming on the face of it, and looks past Nott to Caleb, who is reading on her other side. "Like having a baby?"

Oh. Actually, Nott's a little surprised it hasn't come up sooner, but she still kind of squints over at Jester at the question. "You mean like… potty training stuff?"

"No, no, no, no…" Jester giggles and blushes purple, just a little, enough to make her look very cute and very dangerous. "Nott, you've _had sex_ before. Like a _lot_ , probably. Because you were _married_ , and that's like, a license to _bone town_. I bet you —"

"Okay! Okay, yeah!" Nott squeaks, her voice so high it threatens inaudibility. "Sure, but so have a lot of people here!" She immediately reconsiders. "So have a solid two of the people here!"

"Hell yeah!" Beau calls over, pantomiming a fist bump in Nott's direction. Nott does the same back, also looking around really quick to confirm that yes: everyone _is_ listening in and yes, Fjord in particular _is_ doing a bad job of pretending he's not. She doesn't even look at Caleb. Some things about him she is fine not knowing.

"That's really cool, Nott," Jester says brightly and kindly as though she means it. Which she probably does, but Nott just concentrates on aggressively patting Frumpkin. "And it wasn't just like, _doing it_ , because you were in _looooove_ , and so you were _making loooooove_ , and —"

"Can you maybe talk to Beau, the only other non-virgin, about this?" Nott yelps, a tiny part of her also very much enjoying Fjord starting to object and then have some genuine Inner Turmoil about potentially involving himself in this conversation.

"Yeah, I mean, I can't tell you shit about boning dudes, but —" Beau says, or starts to say, before Caleb of all people clears his throat very loudly.

"Yes, this is an important topic that we all very much want to hear about, however, maybe for discretion's sake you all can have it elsewhere, far away from the rest of us?"

"Wow, the guys in this party are sure prudes," says Beau happily.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about!" Jester says loudly, leaning over Nott to get into Caleb's face. "Sex is a normal part of life and a good way of expressing yourself and showing love and also earning a living, and if you _love someone_ it is _super special_ and you should be as happy that Nott has done it as I am!"

Caleb's face now matches his hair. He mutters something in Zemnian, his expression faintly terrified. Frumpkin vanishes from Nott's lap in a puff of magical energy and reappears wrapped around Caleb's neck, around the front instead of the back, so he can hide half his face in the cat's fur.

"Jester…" Nott says, staring at her own empty lap, "Your mom is a _lady of the night_. You know all about sex already, clearly, so maybe we can table this…?"

"I know all about sex, I know a lot about it," Jester says earnestly. "But I've never — you know, it's been a long time since my Mama fell in love with my father… you know, The Gentleman, maybe, and so even though she has sex, like, _all the time_ , she doesn't _make loooove_." Nott really wishes Jester would stop saying it like that. "I wanna know what it's really, really like! Is it wonderful and romantic? Do you look deeply into each-other's eyes and hold hands and…"

"Okay, you know what? Fjord and Ducey, you two probably need to leave!" Nott squeaks, unable to take much more of this, just in general, but especially with men around: she never had close girl-friends around to talk about this shit with _anyway_ , but somehow, even though they barely register as men in her brain, it's even worse with them around.

"Thank fucking god," Fjord says, leaping to his feet. "Come on Duce, let's go patrol."

"Oh… Of course, sure," Caduceus says slowly.

"Wow, having Caleb stick around, that's bold," Beau says with an approving nod.

Honestly, Nott had just forgotten to tell him to leave; she never does usually. "And _especially_ Caleb," she hisses, clutching her ears to her head.

" _Danke — vielen Dank_ —" Caleb mutters, staggering up to his feet as though drunk. Fjord pats him on the shoulder and the two practically run for it.

Caduceus lingers. "Is everything going alright?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, everything's fine. We're just talking about sex and stuff. Do you wanna stay? It's totally cool," Jester says happily.

"No it isn't!" Nott snaps.

"Okay okay okay. Come back later!"

"Okay," Caduceus says easily. "You guys have fun." He wanders down the tunnels in the direction that Fjord and Caleb had vanished; they're already gone out of sight.

Jester moves so that she's sitting across from Nott, crosslegged and eager. Beau comes and sits too, imitating Jester's position, looking around excitedly. Yasha lingers, looking unsure if she wants to join in or not. Nott thinks. For all she really knows, Yasha is considering, who knows, killing Nott with her little finger because Yasha is _fucking gigantic and scary_.

"So, like, _boning people_ ," Beau says happily.

"Beau, how many people have you had sex with?" Jester asks in the same tone you might use to ask a more normal question, like, _do you have any pets or hobbies_?

"Oh, tons. Lots. So many. Like… four," she admits, scrunching up her face. "No, wait, five. What are we counting as sex?"

"Doooooing it," Jester says mysteriously.

It's probably stupid, but Nott does feel better with the boys all out of ear shot, especially Caleb. _Very much_ especially Caleb. "Jessie, you've never had sex, right?" Nott asks, unable to keep herself from sounding kind of incredulous.

"Nope," Jester says lightly.

"Do you like… wanna?" Beau asks eagerly.

"Hmm, maybe? I definitely, like, wanna at _some_ point, like some point in the next _year_ maybe, but I wanna do it with someone I really, really like." Jester perks up. "I wanna _make looove_ ," she adds mysteriously.

"But with your mom, you must have had like, a million chances to hook up with someone," Beau says.

"Oh, yeah, _so_ many," Jester chortles. "Yeah, and Mama taught me all about it when I was younger and all that stuff." Her expression grows a little more serious. "But — I know sex is just normal and fun, just a fun and normal thing to do!, but Mama's very first time was really sweet and romantic and she said it was a good experience, because, you know, some ladies like Mama — you know, sometimes it's _not great_ , they treat sex as just a tool or a thing or get taken advantage of and they don't _like it_ , and she says it's really important to have a healthy understanding and relationship with the bone zone."

"That was like… that was so meaningful and true until the last word," Beau whispers.

"So that's why I want my very first time to be kind of nice, you know?" Jester finishes happily. "What about you? Nott, was your first time really special and romantic and did you have flowers and silk sheets, or was it in a hay loft like with Oskar…"

"I don't know!" Nott squeaks, having been lulled into complacency by Jester's little lecture: she'd never really thought about this stuff. She really hadn't. Nor had she ever needed to, Nott is realizing, and that's like, a whole other thing she is _not_ in the right headspace or body to unpack. "It was - it was normal?"

"Did you look deeply into his eyes as he —"

"NOPE!" Nott yelps. "Um, I was actually really shy? Like Jesus, I was naked and like, you saw me, I was never that cute, so like half of my brain was 'this is cool' and the other half was 'ahhh, I'm fucking naked right now and so is he?'" She looks around wildly, her face a hot dark green. Jester is nodding along eagerly. Beau is biting back a laugh.

Yasha, oddly, gives a nod and a look that Nott almost wants to call understanding. She looks down at her hands. "So, you know. And it wasn't bad or anything, but it wasn't… _amazing_. I had no idea what I was doing."

"Did it hurt?" Jester asks in a loud whisper, leaning forward. "In all the books, it hurts the first time."

"What, when the dude puts his dick in?" Beau asks, curiously.

"Yeah, when you lose your virginity, it's like, 'oh!'" Jester goes into a falsetto, "'oh! This is painful! But it is also wonderful!' and then it doesn't hurt and it's really good."

"It didn't hurt," Nott says. She tries looking up at the ceiling, but she's short enough that it actually gives her a better eye-line with the others, so she concentrates on the floor instead. "I don't… think it's supposed to?"

"Because you were in love!" Jester whispers.

"No! Just because… uh…" Fuck, Nott has no idea.

"Because he has a tiny dick?" Beau asks, laughing. She immediately sobers. "Oooh, sorry, that's like, your kidnapped husband. I bet his dick is fine."

"That was a very prompt apology," Nott says primly. "Thank you, Beauregard. However, please never ever ever talk about that again."

"Can do, boss," Beau says, clicking her tongue.

Jester looks thoughtful. "What's it like with a girl?" she asks Beau.

"Uhh, probably not that different, except for the dick thing," Beau says. "It didn't hurt my first time or anything like you said happens. It's probably pretty much the same as with a dude, except way better, right?"

For some reason she directs the question at Nott. "Like I'd know?"

"I'm not judging your heterosexuality!" Beau says.

"No, I mean, I've literally only — guys, I married the first person I ever _kissed_ ," Nott reminds them. "I don't know shit about the wider world of sexual experimentation and experience."

"Yeah, but when you think about it, you've probably boned more than all the rest of us combined," Beau says. "Like how often did you do it? Even if you did it like, once a week… once a _month_ , you probably have all of us beat on number of visits to bone town."

"But not my Mama!" Jester says in a sing-song voice, proudly.

"I guess? But I mean —"

"What about you, Yasha?" Jester interrupts, turning to look behind her and Beau at the still awkwardly lingering woman.

"Oh… I don't know," Yasha says. "I haven't… I don't have a lot of experience either."

"Really? How many people have you banged? Guys or girls?" Beau asks eagerly.

"One," Yasha murmurs.

"And I bet you made loooooove, just like Nott did!" Jester says kindly. "I bet it was really, really great."

"Yeah," says Yasha quietly.

Beau looks like she is only barely holding back on a million questions.

"So what's it like?" Jester asks plaintively, looking from Yasha to Nott and back again. "What's it really, really like? To make _looo_ — to do it with someone you love?"

"What's it like to not do that?" Nott mutters, having enjoyed the brief moment out of focus.

"It's cool," Beau says blandly. They all turn to her. "I mean, you know, it's — it feels nice? Like sex is fun and all that. I like hot chicks, I like boning hot chicks." She's blushing a little, looking self conscious, which looks pretty weird on Beau. "So like, it doesn't suck. But then I don't see them again or like, really want to? Like not in a dramatic way, I just don't feel — anything. Like, cool cool cool, that happened, I'm already over it, I don't care if I see her again or not. Actually? I'd probably rather not see her again, since, you know, who wants to deal with awkward morning after shit? Not. Me."

Everyone is focused on Beau; she looks around and blinks. "Was that like, a good answer?"

"It's not like that at all for me," Nott says slowly. "I mean… it wasn't." She's aware all the gazes have fallen back on her, and she picks at a frayed edge of her left arm bandage. "I mean, it's not like every single time was some big moment, like when Oskar and Guinevere reunite after the fire at the ball —" Jester sighs longingly. "—Um, usually, it was definitely just because it's… you know, feels nice and all that? But after I always — I always felt like I wanted to see him _more_ , not never ever again. Like I was really happy I got to … you know, still live in our house and keep… being there."

"Oh, fuck, we just made it depressing," Beau whispers.

Nott looks very closely at the stone floor before her. Memorizing every pebble and tiny clod of dirt.

"Yeah, that sounds really nice," Jester is saying. "No offense, Beau, but Nott's version sounds way better than yours."

"I mean, mine is pretty — …yeah, Nott's is better."

"It was the same for me," Yasha says, her voice very quiet but still startling them all. "I felt… so lucky."

They're all quiet.

"Wow…" Jester sighs, after a long thoughtful silence. "Guys, we're all so experienced. Way more than the boys are."

"Didn't you just admit you're a virgin?" Beau says with a smirk and a playful jab to Jester's ribs.

"Yeah, but I'm definitely still more experienced!" Jester giggles, swerving to poke Beau back.

Nott takes a moment to get up her nerve. "Yasha, do you have a special someone back home?" she asks, peering up and up and up at her.

"Ah—" Yasha says, and doesn't finish the thought.

"What would give you that idea!" Jester jumps in, waving her arms in Nott's face.

"I don't know!" Nott squeaks, intimidated by Yasha's stare and height and her own boldness — it was just, the way Yasha had talked, she doesn't know. "Shall we go get the boys?"

"Eh, let them wander back on their own," Beau says, lying down and stretching out in front of Caduceus's abandoned stew pot. She rests her head on Jester's lap.

"Yeah, but then they won't come back until _tomorrow_ ," Jester says, immediately fetching a ribbon from somewhere and tying it into Beau's hair. "Because they are _wusses_."

Yasha settles herself down, giving Nugget a scratch on his head before peering into the soup pot.

"Mr Clay will probably bring them back eventually," Nott says. "But I'll go check, I need to make sure Caleb didn't fall into a hole and die out there anyway."

"Aww, mommy," Jester murmurs playfully.

"Too soon!" Nott says, snapping her fingers and pointing at Jester as she jumps to her feet.

She's glad to stretch her legs… and also, get the fuck away from the others for a minute. Is this what girl talk is like? Is this what girl-friends talk about? _Fuck_. Literally. She's never wanted, or deserved, a drink more in her short second life.

But she restrains herself and as she walks, she thinks about home. Not about the ashes and ruins of the apothecary, the little house, the blue door, but about herself younger. Eighteen, maybe just nineteen. After months of being friends, of spending time together, of falling in love, of kissing and then doing a little more, a little more… they hadn't discussed it openly, but one day it was as though they'd both agreed: now it's time. She'd been dreadfully embarrassed. _You think you're embarrassed?_ Yeza had asked her. _Look at me!_ She had, and he'd been blushing so heavily she'd started giggling.

That's what she remembers about it, now, mostly. The stupid embarrassed clueless look on his face. Giggling and then him laughing too.

Also: it _had_ been in a hay loft.

But there are some things Nott is going to go ahead and keep to herself.


End file.
